Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
