Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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