I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
