i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
