Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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