got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Enjoy the penises
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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