i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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