he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
