Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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