this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Floor bacon is actually really good
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