It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
