Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
