I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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