I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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