You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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