I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
