Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
