Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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