2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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