im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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