i jhust puked up my retainher.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
