Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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