If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
