The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
