I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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