they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
