Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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