i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she smelled like a LAN party
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
