Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
