dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
