I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a hot homeless man
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
