I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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