I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
