my sisters under your porch take her home
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
