Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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