I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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