im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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