dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
