Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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