I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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