I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i think my cat just said my name.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
