Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
