so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
