we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
