i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
