actually, I'm a sock model
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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