His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
