seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
