I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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