Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
