He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
