I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
