you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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