Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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