...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
